So, on Monday, I wrote a post.

It was a post that I meant very strongly, at the time.  No day but today. 

That same day, one of our Vagina Monologues ladies was in a fatal car accident.  And she was the epitome of that philosophy.  I won’t sit here and put on heirs and say that we were best friends since forever, because we weren’t.  But sometimes, in life, you are fortunate enough to meet people that, even in the briefest of encounters, change you.  She was one of those extraordinary people.

She was a woman who inspired you to go out and do great things.  She was the kind of woman who you knew would change every life she touched.  (Of course, she was also italian, so these first two were not surprising to me.)

She visited here often, sometimes commenting.  But we emailed more frequently then she commented, and her emails were always funny and light, usually with a dash of inspiration.

She, in all honesty, is who inspired me to get excited about my wedding.  She sent me NUMEROUS pics of her skytop nuptuals, hoping to motivate me into creating my dream wedding.

Her passing made me take a breather last night and reasses my life, my gifts.  Bitching or moaning or complaining seems such a waste of time now.  I’m taking this afternoon to stop and take a breath.

It’s hard, when something so sudden and so tragic happens, to not be afraid of death.  My grandmother was a huge proponent of us not fearing death.. that’s what spawned picnics in the cemetaries.  But when faced with it, especially at such an invincible age, it’s not not to fear that dark hole of unknown.  My instinct is to be afraid.  To be unmoving, where I’m safe here, and watch the world from the safety of my living room.

The other part of me, the part that she always stirred, is the part that loves jacuzzis.  The part of me who relishes sunshine in parks.  The part of me who adores ice cream, freshly made.  The part of me who finds peace in solace, and finds strength in adversity, and finds inspiration in sunrises.

When I was asked to co-direct VM, I was terrified.  My fears were realized when there was such immediate and harsh controversy within days of the auditions.  She was the one to come to me.  She was the one to speak to me directly, to work things out, and to listen.  And even when it was wrapping up, I was still scared.  It was her that pulled me into this cast picture, because she reaffirmed that I belonged there.

Maria, manco l’amiamo, la sorella.