Today seemed to be all about time.  How we waste it, how precious little of it is truly granted us, how often we sit and use time to wish for things we’ll never have..

Today was Maria’s memorial.  It was surreal.  Although news of her passing seemed unreal, when faced with the crowds of darkened faces, it suddenly became something I didn’t want to think about.  I sat there, staring at the pictures of this gorgeous, vibrant woman who the world will miss terribly, whether or not they realize it yet, and tried to think of the many blessings in my life.

It was a beautiful service, and a good chance for everyone to permanently remember Maria as she always was.. smiling, hugging, laughing..

And when we got back to Huntsville, all in the world that I wanted to do is sit with my fiance over good, hot food.. drink a glass of wine.. and have him hold me until I wasn’t afraid anymore.  I wanted him to stroke my hair and tell me things will not take that turn with us, I wanted him to lie to me and say that no one, NO ONE I love will ever die.  I wanted to believe him.

Instead, he’s up.  At school.  Where he spends most of his days and evenings.

I’m here, with the animals.

Fixing to go sing at a birthday party.

I’m not a very demanding person.  I don’t find myself saying, “I need this,” because I don’t.  There’s very little that I actually, really and truly need.  But tonight, I really needed a little bit of life to cherish.

Guess I’ll go out and find it on my own.