Pregnancy cured me of most of it, but I’ve lived my life in fear of public/shared restrooms. I don’t like sounds, smells, or other evidence attributed to my being there. I seriously (again, before pregnancy) had never EVER used a work restroom to do anything other than pee. I KID YOU NOT – I WOULD DRIVE HOME IF NATURE CALLED FOR MORE DETERMINED REASONS.
Well, like I said, pregnancy put a lot of my pride on hold.
But I still am weird about restrooms. I know this because my family tells me. Everytime I shoot Bryan the look of We need to go home soon, he will sigh with exasperation because it’s not as easy to pack up two kids just because Momma’s gotta shoo-shoo. You know?
There are some rules that I believe apply to the use of the public/shared restrooms, and I’m ALWAYS ASTOUNDED that people don’t follow them.
Skip a stall. If you’re in a restroom that has multiple stalls, and I’m the only one in a stall, DON’T PICK THE ONE NEXT TO ME. I need breathing room, yo.
Conversations do not happen while I’m peeing. I’ll happily talk to you as we stroll in, as we stake our territorial claim, but the minute my pants are removed, can we cut the chit-chat? I have to focus.
Be a magician: make it all disappear. I borrowed this from Bryan’s place of work because it so cutely sums up a totally disgusting issue. FLUSH THE DAMN TOILET. I have three boys at home and they all HAVE BETTER HOME TRAINING than some of these people.
We all have voicemail for a reason. If your phone rings while we are both using the facilities, hopefully in our well-spaced separate stalls, LET IT GO TO VOICEMAIL. If you answer it, I will be torn between not flushing the toilet to avoid you the embarrassment of letting your friend know that you’re TALKING TO THEM FROM A TOILET or flushing a gazillion times to SHAME YOU INTO LEARNING BETTER TRAINING.
I don’t know how I feel about toilet seat covers, but you leaving them behind makes me wish you contract horrible STDs or whatever you think you’ll catch on a shared toilet seat. Seriously, you know what is also gross about shared toilet seats? When the GERMAPHOBE who used the seat last didn’t care enough to remove their used ass-condom.
I know I can’t be the only person who has thought about this. What other behavior turns your nose up in a shared restroom?