The Superficial Me

I’ve written before about how oddly my skin has been behaving for almost a year now.  It started last summer and has gotten progressively worse, now spreading to a pox-like cover on my forehead and chin.  There are painful infections.  And I have no idea why.

I’m this*close to seeing a dermatologist, but I’m more terrified that he’s going to tell me something completely palm-to-forehead obvious that I’d neglected to notice the whole time, like my allergy to water or something. (No, seriously, it is a real thing and yes, I have it.) I’m terrified that I’m going to get an appointment to see this specialist, and he’ll be like, “Duh, Sarah, x-y-z,” and he’ll chuckle and I’ll feel sheepish and he’ll report my stupidity to my insurance and then they’ll drop me for a pre-existing condition, that being IDIOCY.

(I know none of this will happen.)

But in order to nullify any possibility, I’m going to start from scratch.  I’m purposefully not washing my face or using any facial products for a week .. maybe longer .. so I can make sure there is NOTHING in my skin care arsenal that is causing this issue.  Which means .. no makeup.

I’m trying to be okay with that.  I’m not an overly made-up person anyhow, but when I wear NOTHING people ask me all day if I’m feeling okay.  And thanks, I was feeling okay until you reminded me how corpse-like I look.

I just miss my good skin.  I will happily look like Death Becomes Her for a week if it will bring back my porcelain mask.  I promise to never tan again, too!  Please, Santy Claus, whatever it takes.  My ultimate final step is to have my IUD removed (TMI!) because I’m wondering if the hormones in that is throwing my body off balance.  But that also would involve a certain snippy decision in my marriage that I’m not sure we’re ready to tackle yet.

***

For the first time in a long while, I’m actively trying to lose weight.  Not tone up, not firm up, not even for health reasons: JUST DROP POUNDS. 

For years, when I’ve tried a new exercise program, I’ve had these amazingly lofty reasons for doing so.  “I want to be a good role model for my children” and “I want to be able to keep up with the boys” and even the less lofty “I want to run a 5K”.  These are lovely reasons for wanting to exercise.  They are none of why I’m doing what I’m doing.

I want to be considered for sexier stuff onstage.

Yeah, I know.

Maybe not sexier, but .. not .. mom stuff?  I don’t know what I’m saying here, but it boils down to this: when I look ahead at the next season onstage here locally, the stuff that I’d be interested in doing is racier.  I need to look not .. as .. frumpy.  I need to be more sleek.  More streamlined.  I need to pull a Six Sigma workshop on my BODY.

And that IS THE STUPIDEST REASON EVER TO LOSE WEIGHT.  And yet.

30 lbs by August in my plan.

***

This year is my second season announcing for our local derby team, the Dixie Derby Girls, and I stopped by their fundraiser some weeks back to have my headshot done.  The league photographer is quite amazing, and he happened to get some shots of me that were just out of this world good.  So because I’m being superficial, I’ll show them to you  here.

Also, keep in mind that my skin is NOT this pretty.  Editing is a godsend.

I KNOW, RIGHT?  And yet, all I can think when I look at these is Man, they’d be so much prettier if I was just 30 lbs thinner.  SUPERFICIALITY IS SUCH A PAIN IN MY SIDE.

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12 Responses to The Superficial Me

  1. David GIambrone February 21, 2011 at 4:22 pm #

    Sarah,
    You look so pretty in these pictures! While I understand about the roles you want to get, never forget that your true beauty is who you are. That’s why Lindsey and I think you’re so neat! Never lose it!
    That being said, I hope you make your goal. Being a slave to the stage is understandable. Just don’t let the bitch break your heart…
    Dave

  2. Shelby S February 21, 2011 at 4:40 pm #

    Hey girl,

    Wanting to be thin so you can play different roles is a perfectly acceptable reason to want to lose weight! Plus, it is extremely motivating which is key anyway. I have dropped 10 pounds since Christmas for Rent and counting!!! I look and feel SOOOO much better and will feel even that much more comfortable on stage. And seriously, we all know the only way to get to play younger is to be thin. That is just the way it is so I say GO FOR IT!

  3. Jessica February 21, 2011 at 4:59 pm #

    I am on a quest to lose weight so I look better, I do not judge you! It’s hard for me to be motivated in the winter so I tend to put on a few pounds around my waist and I hate it.

    I’m curious about this water allergy. Problems when you drink it? That could be terrible and dangerous.

  4. bessie.viola February 21, 2011 at 6:03 pm #

    You are gorgeous. My skin couldn’t even be airbrushed to this condition, I fear!

    I think that roles are a good a reason as any to drop weight… when it all comes down to it, it’s just all about what motivates you right? Rock on with your bad self. 🙂
    bessie.viola wants you to read ..Baby Bear wasn’t lying after all

  5. LizzieV February 21, 2011 at 6:08 pm #

    Lady, you better lose those 30 pounds!!! I don’t want to compete against you for those frumpy maid/nurse/crazy aunt roles!! (Giggle!) You will always be hot, no matter what you weigh, since your hotness is more than skin deep. But go for it— what ever moves you. Also, don’t worry about being make-up-less. You don’t look bad, you look different. They’ll get used to it. Even worse than hearing, “Are you OK?” when you skip the make-up, is to be a usual bare-face who puts on make-up only to hear, “Wow! You look fabulous in make-up!” (Sheesh!)

  6. Cass February 21, 2011 at 7:27 pm #

    You look fierce and when you lose whatever it is you think you need to lose to be even sexier…well, watch out. Cheering you on!

  7. J2theBO February 21, 2011 at 8:36 pm #

    I admit it: while I eat and exercise for health, sometimes when I P90X, I think to myself,”Hey, people are REALLY gonna HATE me when they see my six pack abs.” And I work ten times harder. Not nice, but true. Just don’t go crazy and starve yourself like DJ on Full House. I’m not picking your passed out ass up off a treadmill.

  8. Kate February 21, 2011 at 9:48 pm #

    First of all, wow you look gorgeous in those photos! Second of all, you don’t gotta explain why you want to lose weight. It doesn’t have to be any special reason — it’s for YOU, right? Good luck! You can do it!

  9. Dani February 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm #

    Sarah–
    I don’t think I ever told you this, but I’ve always thought you had one of the prettiest faces EVER. And a gorgeous voice, (Singing and speaking.) Even if you had leprosy, you’d still be BEA-Utiful.
    For skin and weight stuff, have you ever met with a nutritionist? I met with one last summer and it did me a WORLD of good. My face cleared up, my weight was regulated, and my energy was higher than it’s ever been which was awesome since I was conditioning for competition.
    In any case, good luck!
    And if you ever want a good latin-styled cardio workout when I’m in town, let me know! 😉
    Hugs!

  10. Wendy February 21, 2011 at 10:31 pm #

    I am 9 kinds of jealous of your hair. So lovely.

  11. Tami February 21, 2011 at 11:49 pm #

    My face did the same thing this summer and I finally went to a dermatoligist (sp) and what is worse than the doctor rolling his eyes is him saying wellll…..we are not sure ehat causes this- lets start with all this stuff- expensive stuff I might add- and try it for a while- then tried to tell me what to use and when unless this happens- etc… I felt like I was back in school taking notes.

  12. Liz February 22, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    A company I used to work for had an office gym. It was super awesome – fully pimped out gym, totally free to employees (to give a sense of scale: this company had about seven buildings on “campus”, each with a starbucks in it, and then the gym was in the main building, with rows and rows of cardio, a spin studio, yoga classes at lunch, etc. It was pimp. ANYWAY).

    One woman was always there at the same time as I was, and we always did they polite chatty hey-good-morning etc thing, but I never worked with her or saw her outside the gym. One day, she got on the elevator in my building in the middle of the afternoon, and I did the “Oh, hi! How weird to see you in a context in which I’ve never seen you in!” awkward recognition thing…and she didn’t say anything…or acknowledge…and then after an AGONIZING elevator ride, she goes “oh my God! I *just* figured out who you were! I had NO idea you looked like this showered and with make up!”

    OMG. AWESOME. EXCEPT NOT AT ALL

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