I’ve written before about how oddly my skin has been behaving for almost a year now. It started last summer and has gotten progressively worse, now spreading to a pox-like cover on my forehead and chin. There are painful infections. And I have no idea why.
I’m this*close to seeing a dermatologist, but I’m more terrified that he’s going to tell me something completely palm-to-forehead obvious that I’d neglected to notice the whole time, like my allergy to water or something. (No, seriously, it is a real thing and yes, I have it.) I’m terrified that I’m going to get an appointment to see this specialist, and he’ll be like, “Duh, Sarah, x-y-z,” and he’ll chuckle and I’ll feel sheepish and he’ll report my stupidity to my insurance and then they’ll drop me for a pre-existing condition, that being IDIOCY.
(I know none of this will happen.)
But in order to nullify any possibility, I’m going to start from scratch. I’m purposefully not washing my face or using any facial products for a week .. maybe longer .. so I can make sure there is NOTHING in my skin care arsenal that is causing this issue. Which means .. no makeup.
I’m trying to be okay with that. I’m not an overly made-up person anyhow, but when I wear NOTHING people ask me all day if I’m feeling okay. And thanks, I was feeling okay until you reminded me how corpse-like I look.
I just miss my good skin. I will happily look like Death Becomes Her for a week if it will bring back my porcelain mask. I promise to never tan again, too! Please, Santy Claus, whatever it takes. My ultimate final step is to have my IUD removed (TMI!) because I’m wondering if the hormones in that is throwing my body off balance. But that also would involve a certain snippy decision in my marriage that I’m not sure we’re ready to tackle yet.
For the first time in a long while, I’m actively trying to lose weight. Not tone up, not firm up, not even for health reasons: JUST DROP POUNDS.
For years, when I’ve tried a new exercise program, I’ve had these amazingly lofty reasons for doing so. “I want to be a good role model for my children” and “I want to be able to keep up with the boys” and even the less lofty “I want to run a 5K”. These are lovely reasons for wanting to exercise. They are none of why I’m doing what I’m doing.
I want to be considered for sexier stuff onstage.
Yeah, I know.
Maybe not sexier, but .. not .. mom stuff? I don’t know what I’m saying here, but it boils down to this: when I look ahead at the next season onstage here locally, the stuff that I’d be interested in doing is racier. I need to look not .. as .. frumpy. I need to be more sleek. More streamlined. I need to pull a Six Sigma workshop on my BODY.
And that IS THE STUPIDEST REASON EVER TO LOSE WEIGHT. And yet.
30 lbs by August in my plan.
This year is my second season announcing for our local derby team, the Dixie Derby Girls, and I stopped by their fundraiser some weeks back to have my headshot done. The league photographer is quite amazing, and he happened to get some shots of me that were just out of this world good. So because I’m being superficial, I’ll show them to you here.
Also, keep in mind that my skin is NOT this pretty. Editing is a godsend.
I KNOW, RIGHT? And yet, all I can think when I look at these is Man, they’d be so much prettier if I was just 30 lbs thinner. SUPERFICIALITY IS SUCH A PAIN IN MY SIDE.