Sunday Anxiety

It’s a Sunday afternoon.

The temperatures are unusually high, even for Alabama; our forecasts have topped out in the high nineties, leaving us sweltering in heat ten to fifteen degrees higher than our usual September warmth.

In the cool of our A/C, every occupant of the house is napping, four-legged children included.

I can’t sleep.  I’m thinking about Monday.

Monday, I start back at the grind I was so eager to leave.  I start back with 40 hours, same circumstances that I survived when I was 24.  Once more, one more time, this time with feeling.

And though I’m grateful.. money = eternally grateful .. I am approaching all of this with dread.  I was so miserable the last time, so encompassed with work that I was not compensated for, and I know it made me less than whole everywhere else.  I am terrified of peering into that looking glass again.

It couldn’t have ALL been that bad, Sarah. I tell myself this over and over.  There were happy times.

Yes, there were.  But I never felt useful, I never felt needed, and I never felt fulfilled.

I’ve had a taste of that now.

So we’ll see.  We’ll see if I can be shaped.  We’ll see if I can start demanding what I’m owed, while giving everything I have.  We’ll see if I can think more like a man this time.  We’ll see who I let myself become this round.

But I made this decision for lazy Sundays, I remember.  For routines, for consistency, and for the chance of lazy Sundays.

Here's where I am!

Click on the icons below to follow me around the web. In a nice way. Please be nice.

3 Responses to Sunday Anxiety

  1. Sundry September 19, 2010 at 11:02 pm #

    You work harder than anyone I know. (You know, for someone I don’t actually know.) I believe it won’t be YOU who will be shaped, it’ll be you doing the shaping. With a hammer, if necessary.

    Thinking of you and hoping for a very good Monday.

  2. Cass September 20, 2010 at 7:42 am #

    I hope you have a great day today. You’ve got so much to offer and I hope that this place recognizes, utilizes and values your contribution and SHOWS you that by compensating you fairly and praising you generously.

  3. Melissa September 20, 2010 at 9:22 am #

    Oooo, Sarah!!! Whatever it is, I’m sure you will OWN IT!!

    Enjoy the new adventure and congrats!!

Leave a Reply