We talked about it on Friday night. I offered up everything that had come my way in just one week .. I am so, so blessed to have options at this point .. and we weighed and tossed and wondered.
He slept and I continued all of the above.
It’s gone that way for several days now. I suppose now is not the best time to admit that I have gone off my meds (for financial reasons, really, and it was almost a month ago now) but I’m coping okay. I just can’t sleep. When I’m tired, I just don’t have the opportunity to sleep and when it’s time to sleep, I might nap for 15 minutes before anxiety shakes me from whatever fucked up dream I’m having and then I just lay and worry.
Cause THAT’S productive.
But it’s been decided.
An opportunity came to me by way of fortune and luck, and there is no other way to credit it. A friend of a friend of a blog reader suddenly .. I don’t know, believed in me enough to trust that I could assist his business. Not only assist it, but grow his business. We sat over coffee last week and I expected merely a meeting to discuss business goals and objectives, like every other “let’s meet for coffee” meeting, but I left and had a solid offer in my inbox that afternoon.
I confided in Bryan that I was terrified, because what I misled myself in the meeting? What if he thinks I’m more than I claimed to be? I tried mercilessly hard to be frank and honest about my LACK of education, my LACK of training, my LACK of knowledge.. and yet..
So. There’s that. Which is terrifying because I’ve never been solely responsible for my success or my failure, and that’s a terrifying prospect. It’s all on me. Which I can do.
Shut up, Sarah. You CAN do this. You will. It will be fine.
Also, I’ve started taking appointments for estimates to open Obsessively Clean, my own cleaning service. The response to that first cull was MIND BLOWING, and until I can get off the ground in this other arena, this will keep our lights on. So ecstatic about both of these. Because? These are BOTH things that I love.
Because karma tends to send us these little affirmations, we watched the Tony Awards last night and a winner, Katie Finneran, spoke to “the kids watching” the award show. She told them to always, always keep doing what they love, what they have passion for, because everything will fall into place when they do. They WILL meet the right people, and they WILL land the right part, and they WILL find success if they just stick to their dreams.
Point. Set. Match.