First of all, THANK Y’ALL SO MUCH FOR YESTERDAY. You are just all lovely people, and THAT? THAT is the reason I blog. So when I have a day like that, I can be like, “Y’all, that day sucked SO HAAAAARD,” and y’all can be like, “Yeah, we know; here’s some wine and organic ginger snaps.” BECAUSE YOU’RE ALL AWESOME LIKE THAT.
And now? NEW PARENTING DILEMMA! Cause you did so well yesterday. Gold star for you.
So.. let’s say that you know a nine year old boy. TOTALLY HYPOTHETICAL, of course. And let’s say that you learn that this nine year old boy had a Facebook account set up for him by his mother.
Let’s stop there and assess.
1) Terms of Service for Facebook require that this hypothetical 9 year old be 13 years of age in order to actually even HAVE a Facebook page.
2) He is not, in fact, 13. He’s NINE.
Okay, so here we are. And you ask why he has this Facebook account, and the response is: “Well, his friends all have them. And he doesn’t have any pictures up. He wants to play FarmVille.”
Another assessment.
1) FUCKING FARMVILLE?
2) Okay, so I may have an ethical stance on Farmville that clouds my judgement here.
3) His friends? ARE ALL NINE YEARS OLD.
4) We’re totally condoning lying about your age on the internet here. And that’s a GREAT example to set prior to puberty.
Thanks for that assessment. When asked about security settings, the response is: “Oh, no. He’s safe.”
1) I’m online enough to know a thing or two about the internet. Um, HALLO, it’s sort of my job.
2) Within two clicks, I had found his account and had opened it.
3) Within another click, I had searched him from Google.
4) One more click took me to all of his friends’ pages, where I could see status updates, pictures, and up-to-the-minute LOCATIONS, thanks to FourSquare integration.
So this hypothetical nine year old has this account that opens him up to a world of the internet.
What say ye, internet inhabitants? What do you think?
I told you yesterday at lunch that I think it is INSANE. I asked bratchild if any of her friends have facebook pages and she said one boy does but “he’s weird.” I’m not totally sure how those 2 facts are related but to an almost 9 year old, it made perfect sense.
So I asked her if she had ever wanted a facebook page and she wall all “mom, that’s stupid. It’s for grown ups and I think you have to be like 19 to use it.”
.-= Amy Mayfield´s last blog ..Kroger & Mexico (not even closely related subject wise) =-.
UM: NO. Just no. How is this even a question for that kid’s mom? This sort of thing makes me want to chuck my computer out the window before Madeline becomes aware of it.
For the record, my friend’s 9yr old also inexplicably LOVES Farmville (her grandma plays, and that’s how she found out). She has supervised Farmville time on her Mom’s page, end of story. Some of her friends have it “for Farmville” but she is not allowed to have her own page.
.-= bessie.viola´s last blog ..WOO-HOOOO =-.
I have a friend who has set up pages for her kids to play some of the games on, but does not use real names. As for me? NO FREAKIN’ WAY! Granted my kids are still young and can’t even read yet, but the only web sites allowed are Disney and Nick Jr.
I have a big issue with the lying about your age thing. I have some cousins and other extended younger family members that have pages and I refuse to “friend” them on Facebook for that exact reason.
Nine is too young. The end. Does this mother know everything you were able to find out in just a few minutes on the internet?
Oy.
Thank you! My niece is ten and her parents just set her up with a FB account. I was thinking the same things you posted here but can’t really say anything. So I constantly get invites from her to this and that game and whatever other “funny” stuff she finds. That alone isn’t so bad, but I wonder just what else she could come across or stumble into. No idea how supervised she is, but we ALWAYS supervise the kids here. It wasn’t until our oldest was sixteen and got his own netbook that we let him have some freedom online. I still monitor what he does through logs on our router. He knows I do it, even if it’s only every so often, so he doesn’t do (or hasn’t) anything he knows would get him in hot water. Oops, actually, there was one time I caught him looking at a “adult’ site. We sat down with him, along with his dad and he’s not tried it again since. I guess it showed him I do see what he does.
I would say the parent that allowed that cares more about being her child’s FRIEND than being a responsible parent. Sexual predators seek out young kids THROUGH the internet. H E L L O!! I’d report this!
GAH NO NO NO NO! Words aren’t even coming to my right now because OMG NO.
I googled myself yesterday on a whim (What?) and I found a full on directory listing with my name, age, full address, A FUCKING MAP TO MY HOUSE, my UNLISTED PHONE NUMBER, AND NAMES OF OTHER “Household inhabitants” including my 20-month old CHILD.
The internet is scary. I blog under an alias, block my facebook page, and yet they still managed to pull all of this shit together. The source? I found with little digging: AMAZON.
No one is safe. Protect your Gotdamn kids. For the LOVE!
(In retrospect, I think you handled the weekend very well, with a great presence of mind to go to the park. I saw your Tweets & said a little prayer. But my computer ate that comment.)
I am against a 9yo having a FB account. You should report that account. There are other age-appropriate outlets, and likely a non-on-line type farm-sim game to buy somewhere. Our boy is only 6, but we are currently testing out various net-filters, and they are a pain (not that I need to tell you). Kids are being taught this stuff earlier in schools.
But FB? No. I have a “friend” who is 14, but only with her mother’s approval. Her mom & I were college roommates, and I am “safe.” But I do think about what I post & link, keeping her in mind. And I know that sometimes, as an adult, I wind up providing a teachable moment. But not every child has that kind of caring supervision.
Just my two-bits worth.
You are to put thy foot down! Down meaning up his Mothers arse of course. This is bad news bears, Sarah- do what you have to do to get him off of there. F Farmville- don’t you have a Wii or something?
.-= Christina´s last blog ..So now what? =-.
My 10 yr old asked for a FB page last year….cause she saw me and my dad and my mother in law and other family members playing the games (Farmville as an example) and I told her NO. She can have one when she can fit into the terms of service for FB….12 yrs old. There are daughters of some of my friends that I KNOW for a fact that aren’t 12 and have accounts under fake names and ages….not cool. I won’t friend them (have been requested to by their parent too)….and thought about reporting them too, but i didn’t want to be found out for turning in a friends’ daughter. My girls and son play on the internet, but their computers are right in the kitchen area, so I can totally see what they are doing. Might have to go google my family when I finish this comment to see what I can find!
No no no no no. Just… NO. Not only is it technically illegal (hello 13 year old age requirement!) and teaching the kids to LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE is just lovely, but it’s dangerous and frankly- unnecessary. I hate the excuse of ‘all his/her friends do it!’ because SERIOUSLY? I tried that one on my mom when I was a kid and she asked me something about my friends jumping off a bridge… and now PARENTS are using that excuse? INSANITY.
All of that said, though, I’m not sure how I’d handle things in your situation. Since his mother set it up for him and seems to think it’s okay, it could be tricky. What does his dad say about it? That may be the key.
9? Oh no. That’s nuts. And this parent should remember that the “all his friends are doing it” reasoning lead to shining examples of how children become poster children for peer pressure. Parenting FAIL.
I just let my 14 year old set up an FB account this year, with me right next to him. I have all the passkeys to his facebook kingdom and have been known to reandomly check on it to make sure he is behaving himself. Because I am the adult.
.-= Catootes´s last blog ..i’m probably going to regret writing this post =-.
My resident 9 year old and I have gone around and around on this issue. She’s pissed because 15 year old sister has one. I told her that when she was 13 and showed the maturity to be able to handle the account and to make the correct decisions regarding it, then I would THINK about it. I also have all of the passwords to the older ones accounts for everything and she’s not allowed to change them with telling me.You’re totally correct on this accord. He doesn’t need to be and especially without the account being on a total lockdown. I don’t envy you the position that you are in but you are totally correct in your thought process. Like I tell Erin-if all your friends jumped off the roof would you do it also??? Her answer of course is “no”. I told her then you have my answer where a FB account is concerned.
I am ABSOLUTELY in your shoes.. I am divorced, and my ex and I live in different states (he moved away). Long story short, he apparently has different priorities than I do and as such he doesn’t make much effort to have much contact with his kids. I therefore try to encourage any contact opportunities because the kids love him and miss him. Last summer when they came back from spending 2 weeks with him they informed me he had set them up Facebook logins (they are 11 and 13).
At first I was furious, both because I felt it was something done to undermine me (ie: make me the ‘bad guy’ if I cancelled it) and esp because I take the kids playing on the internet very seriously. We have parental controls on all our computers and they have logins that do not have admin priviledges so they can’t download or install any executables. And I actually check to see what they’re doing periodically (since they’re sitting right next to me).
After I calmed down a bit, I had to really think about it. My kids have the attention span of a postage stamp. I knew if they started playing farmville or cafe world they’d get bored within a week or two. I also realized that I had been trying to encourage more contact between them and their father, and if he used FB it would be one more means they could feel connected to him and *hopefully* he’d be more timely in responses to them.
So, I set up NEW FB accounts for them, so I knew the psws, and only allowed them to add a few family members (not me, I figured their dad wouldn’t be willing to talk to them if I was “reading in”).
And.. sure enough they puttered around with fishville, and cafe world, and farmville.. for maybe a week or two. And then got bored with the “work” involved. They do still occasionally log on though, and catch their dad online and live chat with him. So take that for what it’s worth.