We rented The Unborn this last weekend because 1) I have an unhealthy obession with scary movies, 2) the commercials looked super freaky amazing, and 3) I HAD NO IDEA THAT MEGAN FOX WAS THE LEAD ROLE. I felt slightly betrayed when I discovered that not ONLY was this brainless skinny-ass brunette was the major character, but also that the plot had the weight of .. well.. her. It was AWFUL, in ways that I hate to even discuss here, because it is not even worth watching this movie in a Mystery Science 3000 fashion. I’ll wrap up the plot for you here:
Nazis
Ghosts
Nazi Ghosts
Twins
Bad color contacts
Lots of Megan Fox in a wifebeater and Dora the Explorer underwear
And I felt REALLY bad for Gary Oldman, who is — let’s face it — QUITE the talented little actor (you cannot argue with me if you’ve ever seen The Fifth Element)(and if you HAVEN’T, go see it tonight because it is just eye candy and unicorn foals for 1.5 hours). But he was relegated to some awful bit part (a Rabbi? REALLY?), and there’s this one scene where Megan Fox is trying to convince Gary Oldman to perform an exorcism on her (EVEN THOUGH SHE’S NOT POSSESSED – MAJOR PLOT POINT FAIL), and she’s all leaning over the desk and doing her best Joey Tribianni impression of running through a long-division problem in her head to look PENSIVE, and Gary Oldman, God love him, is just there.
And after that scene wrapped up, I asked Bryan, “How many takes do you think that scene took because he kept laughing in her face? CAUSE HE’S FUCKING GARY OLDMAN AND SHE’S TRYING TO GO TOE TO TOE WITH HIM?”
And that one scene, that one THOUGHT, has just stuck with me. I’m so livid FOR Gary Oldman, but at the same time, so incredibly IN AWE of his grace. Just because he was in this rabid hellhole of a movie did NOT mean he gave less than his best; on the contrary, he made me believe he was indeed a rabbi.
The more I’ve thought about it, I need to be more like Gary Oldman.
There will always be those skinny-ass, vapid brunettes leaning across the desk, trying to be something that I’ve already worked so hard for, and have become accomplished at.
I just need to take my cue from Gary. And begin an exorcism.
Gary Oldman is really amazing. I’m in awe that the bad guy in Fifth Element and the good cop in Batman Begins/Dark Night are the same person.
And don’t be so hard on Megan Fox. Being that stupid and having her picture EVERYWHERE has got to be confusing.
Michael´s last blog ..Halloween Broken Down
HA! Love this. I haven’t seen the movie because LO, I am a WIMP now that I’m out on my own and subjected to being, well – alone in an old farmhouse on occasion.
Megan Fox is the definition of vapid. So sad.
bessie.viola´s last blog ..one (and every) morning
Honey – you have hit the nail on the head. That movie was AWFUL!
However, you did leave out the made-up twin merging chromosomal disorder . . .thingy.
I too have loved Gary for the longest time and him being in the movie is what encouraged me to rent it. Sigh!
Thank you for being right there too!
Lastly, I Lurve that you used the Joey long division reference!!
Best of luck in future movie-viewing endeavors!
Hope´s last blog ..I’ve Been Crafty Once Again (FGF)
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