An ex-boyfriend of mine found me on Facebook (don’t they all?), and of course, while I was agonizing over all of my pictures (before I knew he knew I was there, I didn’t care so much that this was available or GOD FORBID THIS and why do I post this shit?), he was looking over my life and was all, “Wow, Sarah. You did it.”
Of course, I was immediately thrown into Yeah, you went and got old and fat and bred and married when he finished: “You made a perfect life.”
::cue Sarah sitting there dumbfounded::
::possibly drooling::
He continued. “I’m just.. I’m so proud and jealous of you. Look at all you’ve got.”
And just like that, Wayne and Garth appeared and went all DOODLE-LEE-DOO-DOODLE-LEE-DOO, and I was back sitting in a car with him. We were both teens, about to start our lives, and I was head over heels in love with him. Would have done anything for him, seriously. Everyone expected us to end up together. Our parents expected it, our peers expected it.. and, obviously, I expected it.
We were sitting in his car, after dinner but before .. bowling? A movie? Something. Something that would require me to focus on a project, rather than how every breath I took seemed to be completely saturated with him.
The car was warm, although I remember it being February. It was close to Valentine’s Day, actually.
“Sarah,” he began, leaning in. I shuddered. He did that to me. “Do you know how much I love you?” It was everything I had been waiting to hear. He leaned in and kissed me, deeply. I remember thinking This is a kiss I could have forever.
He pulled away and put his hand to my cheek. “I love you very much.” He started to shift in his seat, and I really, honestly, truly thought that something .. SOMETHING .. big was about to happen. And I was right.
He took a deep breath. Subconciously, so did I. And he said it.
“.. but I think I’d get bored with you.”
I hope a little piece of y’all just wanted to crawl in a hole and die with me, because OHMYGOD, I almost went all Firestarter on his ass and ignited flames with the sudden turmoil within my SOUL where he killed all of the tiny kittens and bunnies and unicorn foals. I just sat there, stunned, as he continued:
“I mean, you’re great and all, but I want something bigger and better, you know? And if I could, I would wave a magic wand and I’d make myself be satisfied with you, but I just don’t think that could happen, so..”
A magic wand, he said. IT WOULD TAKE A MYTHICAL STICK INVOLVING SORCERY OF THE DEVIL FOR HIM TO BE *SATISFIED* WITH ME. You know, little ole country bumpkin me. Boring little mousy ole moi.
I still remember (VIVIDLY) that evening. I remember wearing a purple sateen shirt (from the Kathy Ireland line at KMart), pants that were tight in the right places, and L’Air du Temps. I remember being very, very angry. But really, I remember being very, very hurt. And beginning a spiral of self-exploration that would be very ugly and very truthful but ultimately very amazing.
Ten or so years later, I have “the perfect life.” And I hope.. against hope against hope.. that he knows every single day that my life has been ANYTHING but boring. And that he missed out on a fabulous lifetime with me.
What was your one BOOYAH moment with an ex? (I really can’t WAIT to hear these!!)
In college, I had the lack of judgment to date a volatile ass-hat of a man. I barely escaped that relationship with my sanity intact, let alone my health and dignity. Cut to about 10 years later, when at one ofJohn Hallum’s famous Halloween costume parties… there he was. I thought he was dressed as Meathead from “All in the Family”, but Hallum told me that when he arrived, he apologized for not having worn a costume.
Added bonus: He was missing a front tooth.”
I have to tell you I’m glad it didn’t work out. Anyone THAT clueless doesn’t deserve you. Boring? You??! AS IF!
A year into my marriage, Chad-the-Ice-Rinser called the 800-number at my desk. You know, the number he could never remember to call when he was out of town visiting his “cousin” in Atlanta when we were dating.
He wanted to know how the marriage was going.
“It’s wonderful. Couldn’t possibly be any happier. I absolutely love my husband. How’s your life going? Have you found a woman that’s willing to be treated like shit yet?”
[silence]
“Chad. Do not ever call me again.”
To his credit, he hasn’t.
Apparently he found the woman, though — I recently looked him up on FB he’s in a picture holding three children under the age of 4 that all look just like him. And he’s an only child.
So far, so good — no attempts at friending.
I feel SO sorry for his wife, though. What an ass.
Elaine P´s last blog ..There you are
plz fix my typo in the above comment: “I looked him up on FB; he’s in a picture…”
thx
Elaine P´s last blog ..There you are
Not quite as BOO-YAH! as your moment (awesome!) but I did have an old boyfriend contact me through Facebook & apologize for being a jerk… back in 8th grade! It was so sweet, actually. He’s married now, has a kid… so funny that he thought about the stupid kid stuff from back then.
Jen´s last blog ..blowing our minds everyday
OH man, do I have a good one. I had been dating this girl for about three months and everything was all fine and well, except fot the fact that she was a balls-out psycho. As time went on, I discovered just how crazy she was. She forbid me from talking to other girls. I don’t mean she didn’t want me dating other girls, she didn’t want me to have any sort of contact with the opposite sex. Now this was not an easy task, as I worked with women and my basic job function required me to talk directly with them. She also demanded that I destroy any evidence of past contact with the opposite sex. She wanted me to erase numbers from my phonebook, many belonging to women that I’d been close friends with for years dating back to high school. Her reasoning being, “I know how men are.” She also required that I delete all of my social networking profiles including MySpace. When I refused to do this and delete the phone numbers, she broke up with me. Her reasoning was, and I quote:
“The only people who have MySpace are people with low self-esteem. You post all of these pictures of yourself, and get all of these people to comment on how hot you are. It’s ridiculous and sad. I know how guys are. You’re fishing for compliments so you can hook up with random girls.”
I should mention that after I broke it off, I found out she cheated on me with some random guy.
So, we broke up and went our seperate ways. I got married to a beautiful woman, bought my first house, and had a beautiful kid. She rushed into another relationship, moved in with her mom, and had a baby out of wedlock (a mere week after my daughter was born.) I hadn’t spoken to her in the longest, so I decided to contact her. That’s right, she never contacted me to tell me she was sorry, or to say she was proud of me. I had decided to make amends. Oh yeah, you want to know my method of contact? I sent her a message…….
ON MYSPACE!
Jon´s last blog ..jonbrownsbody: RT @SarahLena What was your BOOYAH moment with an ex? http://bit.ly/1OHWJe Oh man, do I have some good ones.
I only really have one “ex” since I married my high school boyfriend, but he was a doozy. We broke up after a week of dating in ninth grade after one of my friends overheard him calling me fat. (I was all of 110lbs at the time). I broke up with him that same day, but the words haunted me for a long time.
Fast forward to 2007… I was happy, married, and pregnant with Madeline. We’re still young, and some of our friends lived in a frat-house environment: 4 guys under one roof. We stopped over after dinner one night when I was about 8 months along for one of their birthdays. My ex was there, drunk. He passed out, and all his friends were drawing on his face.
I left feeling pretty good that night, fat or not.
bessie.viola´s last blog ..busy
I had to laugh at these!! I do have some exes but mostly we ignore each other..LOL.
My one ex that I was CRAZY about lives about a million miles away. Thank God.
kristi´s last blog ..Not Me Monday
Love hearing these kinds of stories
I dated a guy for about 6 months. I was somewhat recently divorced. We both agreed that we weren’t looked for anything serious but that we would be exclusive (safety first!). He worked out of town most of the week and home on the weekends. We spent every weekend together – usually at his place. We had swapped the “L” word but no forever talk. We went to his best friend’s small wedding in Canada for a weekend. The weekend after that, he cleaned out a shelf in the bathroom and a drawer in his dresser for me. This was all initiated by him. He made a big deal out of us going to pick up some duplicate toiletries and a few items of clothing that I could leave at his place so I didn’t have to tote it all. The NEXT DAY he called and dumped me. He loved me but it was just all too intense. I was all “WTF?” but whatever.
A few months later, I started dating again and I met my husband. We fell hard and fast for each other so I was all googly eyed when the ex boyfriend calls. He’s all “Oh I made such a mistake letting you go blah blah blah”. I said yes he did but that I appreciated it because if he hadn’t dumped me I never would have found the incredible man I was dating.
Then last month, he friended me on facebook. He had another child out of wedlock (that is #2) and is still single and was unemployed after wrecking a motorcycle and having some pretty serious trauma. He says he doesn’t remember why he dumped me (head trauma in accident – memory is spotty I guess) but he is jealous of my perfect life.
Michelle Smiles´s last blog ..What No One Told Me About Adoption
He lived in a town about 20 min. away. I had met him a couple times while in school, but very short meetings. He was the high school quarter back of a very sucessful football team, he was good looking, he was a “bad boy” and of course wanted by EVERY girl. 2 weeks after high school graduation we happened to be at the same lake where our mutual friend had invited me. Well we left that over night camping trip boyfriend and girlfried. (no I didnt sleep with him yet…) I fell hard and fast in love with him. We started our summer romance. To say the least he wasnt the best boyfriend. I would call him and girls would answer. Stupid me stayed and believed the crap. Summer came to a end. Even his friends told me that he was seeing another girl. One night at a party I grew balls and dumped his ass. He was in shock. Who would dump him right? It was a first for him. I was very proud of myself, but for the first time totally heart broken. He was set to leave for college about 2 weeks later. So for those 2 weeks, he called numerous times. I gave in the morning he was to leave for college, he wanted to see me before he left. I showed up to help him pack. Every thing he put in his bag, I just wanted to take it right out. His college was 7 hours away. Too far. We said our goodbye in the drive way. Had one last kiss. I had to pull over on the way home. to many tears to see. That was it. A year and 1/2 later I married his good friend. Who happened to be the hottest guy in town. He showed up at the wedding. Told me how beautiful I was and how he made the biggest mistake in his life, by letting me go. He also told my new hubby, and his ex good friend, how he wishes he could trade places with him. That was the best moment ever. PS the girl he was cheating on me with ended up taking him to college that morning after I left, and ended up being pregnant with his baby a month later.
My ex is in jail….Which is awesome…and sad. But more awesome than sad. I was the “fixer” girl. Thought I could fix the bad boys. Took a LONG time to realize that they were all with me – because I gave them a place to stay and didn’t nag….I nag a lot now. My husband LOVES it.
Minivan Soapbox´s last blog ..Goulash
Girl… THIS is a story with an awesome ending