Binja is always getting questions like “WHOSE DA CUTEST BABEH EVA?  WHO IS IT?” and “DON’T YOU LOOK JUST LIKE YOUR DADDY, LIL ITTY BITTY BRYAN?”.  He tires of these.  He demands something more.

A meme, even.  Through the eyes of THE BINJA.

1. Cloth or disposable? What is this word that you speak of: cloth?  As in, Pampers cloth-like disposable diapers?  Sometimes, I don’t even USE the diaper.  I’ll just make a really bad poot and the diaper will get changed just to alleviate the smell.

2. Breast or bottle? BOTTLE.  BOTTLE.  BOTTLE.  Did you MEET my mom when she was attempting to breastfeed?  Yeah, me neither.. but I did meet that Bitchzilla who took over her body for that miserable two weeks.  We are both much happier on the bottle. (She uses bottles for whiskey.)

3. Eczema or reflux? Eczema, although my mom’s dilligent use of overpriced creams has got it pretty much knocked out.  I come from a long line of sensitive skin peeps, so this is one of many skin issues, no doubt.

4. Jumparoo or play mat? So my Aunt Ronda had this Johnny Jump-up thing at her house and I loved it, and she was kind enough to send it home with me until my ho lady-friend Penelope is old enough to use it.  Get this, though; just to fuck with them, I totally squealed and pitched a bitch the first time we used it at home!  You should’ve SEEN my parents’ faces!  Man, they were so confused!  Hahahaha.. good times.

5. Mommy or Daddy? Dude, you should meet my older brother.  He has the coolest toys and he is SO funny.  I look for him every day when I crawl down to his crib, but only on Wednesdays and every other weekend does he answer me.  Bummer.  That dude is COOL.

6. Sling, front carrier, or stroller? Stroller, but you better peddle my ass along with a quickness!  I have too much shit to do for you to amble around.  Better yet, just put me down, bitch, and I’ll scoot where I need to go my damn self.

7. Pacifier or thumb? I like my sucky if I’m trying to go to sleep, but if I’m just chillin’ at the ‘care with my buds, I’ll just gnaw on my thumb.  I’m gangsta like that.

8. Bumbo seat or bouncy seat? Have you SEEN the size of my thighs?!  I have my mom’s thighs, which she promises is good for catching a man.  I don’t know how this will help me unless I go into law enforcement, but whatevs.  Point is: I can’t fit my big ass in a bumbo seat.  That thing was good for propping up stuffed animals and that’s about it.  Oh, and it holds my ho lady-friend upright so I can stares at her.  My bouncy seat was fun for, like, a month or two, but now my gargantuan frame just makes it hit the ground.

9. White noise or silence while sleeping? Mozart, biatch.  I’s a classical gangsta. 

10. Crib, Pack’n’Play, or parents’ bed? I have spent one night in the Pack’n'Play and one night in my parents’ bed.  I prefer my own crib, where I can stretch out and dance.  And climb.  And throw shit in the floor to watch mom trip her sleepy-ass over when she comes to get me.  She is such a silly ho.