The Funny Thing about Jalapenos
by Sarah Lena ~ June 4th, 2008. Filed under: The Unexplainable.Alternately titled: Why Sarah is a Dumbass, pt. 946
So in anticipation of a get-together/party/occassion last night, I decided to do some home-makery stuff. You know, in my copious spare time. So I threw together some snickerdoodles (SHUT UP, JENNI) and decided I was going to tackle something I’d been lusting over for months, but hadn’t really had the time or reason to try: Pioneer Woman’s bacon-wrapped jalapeno thingies.
(Let me just take a minute here to proclaim how much I truly love Pioneer Woman. I’ve tried several of her recipes.. yes, MOI, who does not cook.. and they’ve always turned out well. She is brilliant about documenting every step by photograph, so you have every indication of where you are in the process. Dump cake? Her recipe. Penne shrimp pasta with white wine cream sauce? Her recipe. Check her out and bookmark her; you won’t be disappointed.)
Anyway, so I’ve never really worked with live jalapenos before. Because, well, I like spicy things, but I like spicy things that are already made. Me, make them? Insanity! Until I saw a recipe that included spicy, bacon, and cream cheese. Okay, I’ll give in to those.
I must’ve missed some crucial “girl” training where they teach you SAFETY WITH JALAPENOS because, seriously? My fingertips.. all of them.. are still on fire. Painfully so. Which means my eyes are. And my nostrils. And anything else my fingertips may have come into contact with. WHAT DID I DO WRONG? And how can I STOP THE BURNING?
So, they ended up being a little spicier than I planned. Which means I didn’t want to serve them, since I couldn’t say they were “mild”. Which means, obviously, that I had to devour all fifteen of them myself. (Oh, the sacrifices I make.)
Hey, so guess what? Guess what happens when you eat seven or eight whole jalapenos?
THAT’S RIGHT. YOUR SHIT BURNS, TOO.
The good news (and it’s small) is that I think I have cleaned out my entire digestive track. The bad news (and it’s massive) is that I smell peppers seeping out of my pores, my fingers are burning all the time, and I’m scared to go to the bathroom.
Stay tuned for Why Sarah’s a Dumbass, pt. 947.
June 4th, 2008 at 9:35 am
Always. Wear. Gloves. Preferably rubber ones, not the thin food-service-prep ones.
This has happened to me. And that is how I learned. After removing my contacts with jalapeno-infiltrated hands, the fire juice seeped into the solution and the contacts had to be destroyed.
But it sure sounds yummy!
Michelle’s last blog post..lockstep
June 4th, 2008 at 9:38 am
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeow! I learned the hard way as well, so I no longer touch jalapenos. Ever.
Could you use canned jalapenos and make this recipe into a dip?
I’ve bookmarked Pioneer Woman.
Gena Wilhite’s last blog post..Happy June!!!!!!
June 4th, 2008 at 9:48 am
Yup, you have to wear rubber gloves. Thank God you didnt go after a baby eye booger!!
Christina’s last blog post..Nesting
June 4th, 2008 at 11:37 am
When you get home tonight, soak your hands in a milk bath…that will help. You might want to try some saline spray for the nose…or a netti pot if you have one.
June 4th, 2008 at 2:49 pm
I leave the spicy cooking to my husband. Last year he cooked something with habaneros, and like a fool ate a whole one uncooked. He was screaming in the bathroom later. Then he decided to dry some seeds for whatever reason. The next day on his way out the door, he touched the seeds to see if they were dry…got in the car and rubbed his eyes, blinding himself for a few minutes. GOOD TIMES
June 6th, 2008 at 9:28 pm
Ooooo. Yeow.
Hopefully you didn’t have to handle the Binja with jalepeno hands….
Ring of fire, indeed!
Book Mamma’s last blog post..TGIF… for Reals
June 7th, 2008 at 10:24 pm
I got sent here via Slackermama – and I wept as I read this out loud to my family.
Because we know – oh yes, we know, and we are laughing WITH you.
jeanie’s last blog post..Gushing Girly
June 8th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
OMG – thanks for the warning I did not know this … OUCH the burning ring of fire would be the worst.
I love Pioneer Woman Cooks.
Trish’s last blog post..Weekly Winners
June 8th, 2008 at 8:50 pm
That sounds so miserable!
Mama Zen’s last blog post..There She Is . . .
June 8th, 2008 at 9:12 pm
If it helps at all, you made this 8 month pregnant lady cry a little and maybe pee a little from laughing so hard.
Michelle’s last blog post..By Popular Request