I’m feeling severely under the weather today, and avoiding doing actual work by writing here.  And I had something to talk about anyway, so I thought, why not, right?

I was talking to one of the Coven recently and I asked, “Why does (name withheld for obvious reasons) hate me?  I don’t get why she’s so ugly to me all the time.”

She took a moment, took a breath, and said, “Well, Sarah.. I would never tell you this if I didn’t love you, and I DO love you.. but you’re kinda not very likeable at first.”

WHA?!, I thought.  But I said, “Whatever do you mean, dear friend?”

She continued.  “Well, AGAIN, I absolutely adore you and you’re one of the nicest people I know, but you have a very holier than thou attitude when people first meet you.”

I thought about this as I was driving later and asked Bryan.  He’s married to me and his second obligation in our marriage (beyond fidelity and all that crap) is to immediately refute all of that by saying, “No, Sarah, that’s very wrong.”

Instead, he said, “Well, Sarah.. you DO give off that vibe.”

WHA?!, I thought.  But I said, “WHA?!”

“It’s more of a confidence thing.  You’re extremely confident.  People find that intimidating.  I sure as hell did.  So people are naturally intimidated.”

“BUT I’M NOT LIKE THAT!” I shouted.  “In fact, I’m so NOT like that, I don’t ever, like, even approach people!  I assume that people don’t want to talk to me!  So I don’t even talk to them to give them that impression!”

“Oh, yeah,” he suddenly remembered.  “You do that, too.  You don’t talk to people first.  That also is a bit bitchy.”

WELL, HELL, PEOPLE.  So here’s the lowdown on Sarah’s psyche: I grew up in classfuls of Sarahs.  There were literally four Sarahs in my third grade class.  So I learned to assume that any call of “Sarah!” was not for me.  And, honestly, I figure people don’t find me that memorable and don’t remember me from meeting to meeting.  And, although Steph will publicly mock me for saying it, I am really, really shy.  So I tend to stay reserved in corners.  I watch.  It’s not that I’m holier than thou; it’s actually quite the opposite.  In reality, I’m totally lame and I don’t want anyone to find out.  Okay, that’s not at all true.  I am totally lame and I always have fun sharing lame-ass stories about myself with others, but I don’t want to IMPOSE these stories on people.  So I don’t approach them.

Which got me to thinking about how I judge OTHER people.  In fact, this particular member of the Coven is someone that I often thought didn’t want to talk to me.  Because she is a lot like I am.. not the first to approach and quiet in the meantime.  And she SHOULD be confident, because she’s hella talented and gorgeous and all those things that are required of being in the Coven.  So maybe snap judgements are all bunk anyhow.

She called me later to apologize and to make sure she hadn’t hurt my feelings, which was completely unnecessary and totally appreciated.  Because we’re part of the mutual admiration society known as The Coven, and we’re all kinda bitchy in our awesomeness.