Note to self: HAVE to lose enough weight (SOON) for my wedding band to fit again.  It’s so close, and one of the maintenance guys will NOT stop hitting on me.  He asked about my mardi gras beads and how I earned them, and I said, “Hey, now.. what happens in New Orleans STAYS in New Orleans,” and went back to my computer.  He then said, “Well, I should show you my Huntsville sometime.. what happens in my Huntsville STAYS in my Huntsville.”

I never said he was clever. 

So this brings up my topic today.  I was watching Oprah yesterday and they were discussing The Gift of Fear.  The author, Gavin de something or other, had many great examples of how our psychology and fight-or-flight instincts can save us in dangerous situations.  His main emphasis was that, when you feel that first “Hmmm.. something’s not right here”, you follow it.  Don’t rationalize it, don’t justify it.. just get the hell outta dodge.

I can list several times I’ve had this to be true, and I NEVER FOLLOWED MY INSTINCT.  And man, did it come back to bite me on the ass.  I can almost always tell, within the first five minutes of meeting them, if a person is unstable.  Seriously.  But even if the red flags go off, I’ll rationalize it with some caveat.

So this man said not to do that.  If something doesn’t feel right, he said, it usually isn’t.  So just walk away.  What’s the worst that can happen?  You were wrong and nothing happens?  So much better an option than, say, explaining to the cops while filing a report that you “knew something wasn’t right.”

Anyway, where I disagreed with him (and am open to discussion regarding) was a break-down of the male vs. female psyche.  He said that women, at the core, fear that men will ultimately kill them.  Men, at their core, fear that women will ultimately laugh at them.  So he suggested that women take that upper hand to avoid a dangerous situation.  Reject them.  Laugh at them.  He said he had never once in his career seen a rape case that occurred because the woman was mean or rude; he had seen dozens upon dozens of cases where rape occurred because the woman was nice.  Don’t be nice, he said, and you won’t open yourself to that situation.

Now, that last part, I completely agree with.  I can see where my polite small talk with the maintenance guy might be encouraging him (no matter how often I discuss my husband or child).  I also have found great success with not being anything above civil to people I wish to have no dealings with.  But where do you draw the line between “safe” and just downright rude? 

And another angle: I think, as southerners, we are culturally bred to be polite and engaging.  Does this put us in greater danger?

Discuss.