Oh, son o’ mine, the time has come for you to join us.

I know that you are an Ides of March baby, which means I’m in for a very interesting parenthood, but can we start the insanity POST-birth?  This whole “waiting for the due date” thing is slowly killing your poor mother.  I know you’ll find an entire list of ways to slowly kill your mother throughout your childhood (some of which will include dead fish and an aversion to anything green and/or healthy), but let’s begin that later.

COME OUT.  NOW.

Because I’m a ridiculous hippie who believes in karma and other phenomenons, I have been trying odd rituals to entice you to make your grand entrance.  For instance, this morning, I broke routine and WORE MAKEUP.  Doesn’t that freak you out enough to slide on out?  I also SKIPPED BREAKFAST.  Surely one of these anomalies is enough to make you want to abandon ship.

I have considered going on a hunger strike, where I intake no more food until you join us OUT HERE, but everyone informed me that you’ll keep eating regardless of my intake.  I’m trying to NOT let this fact make me consider you a parasite, but damn, child.  Tony the Tapeworm Comer.  Has a ring to it, doesn’t it?

Do you know that after playing the Wii for TWO HOURS last night, I was exhausted, sore, and you were asleep? (Sidenote: is it “the Wii” or just “Wii”?  I’m not clear on lingo.  Cause I’m ancient.)

And quit throwing me these bogus contractions.  First of all, they hurt.  Secondly, they do nothing.  Thirdly, they PISS ME OFF.  I am running low(er) on tact and kindness now, and the people at work are starting to cower in my presence. (Again.. more so than usual.)

Okay, so here’s the bottom line: I am SO ready to meet you.  I’ve known you since you were merely a bean, and I’m ready to hold you.  I’m ready to hear you cry.  I’m ready to lose sleep because I want to listen to you sleep.  I’m ready to freak out when your belly button scab falls off.  I’m ready to pull my hair out and wonder why I ever decided parenthood was a good idea only to have you smile.  And I’m ready for you to remind me several thousands times a day why I did this. 

Everything is ready, Binja.  When you’re ready, come out and play with us.