“Listen everybody, I’m afraid you didn’t hear, or do you want to
see a crazy lady fall apart in front of you, it isn’t only Paul
who may be ruining his life, you know we’ll both of us be losing
our identities, I telephoned my analyst about it and he said to
see him Monday, but by Monday I’ll be floating in the Hudson with
the other garbage–
I’m not well,
So I’m not getting married–
You’ve been swell,
But I’m not getting married–
Clear the hall,
‘Cause I’m not getting married–
Thank you all,
But I’m not getting married–
And don’t tell Paul,
But I’m not getting married today.”
“Getting Married Today“, Company

So, I apologize.

For some of you, it’s overdue.  For others, it’s entirely in advance.

I am losing my mind.

I know poor Bryan has taken the blunt end of it; I’ll come home, stressed from a new job and trying to coordinate a wedding that involves FAR too many people, and I’ll be incredibly short-tempered with him.  God love him; all he knows to do is kiss me.  Which, most of the time, works.  Not always.

When I get flustered and bogged down, all I can do is focus on details.  Don’t ask me silly questions about my mental state or food or something.  Ask me seating arrangements.  Ask me drop boxes.  Ask me something that I can clearly organize on a list and then check things off of.  That’s what I need.  That’s all I can do.

It will be fine.  Once I leave work today, I have two full days without work. (As of right now.) Tonight is a free night, with nothing to do. (As of right now.) Tomorrow is mine to use as I see fit. (As of right now.) Tomorrow night is my bachelorette party. (THAT IS IN STONE.) Sunday is only slightly booked. (As of right now.)

So if I’m short with you, I really do apologize.  I feel horrible for it, because I know how callous and cold I am when I get like this.  I know that I microfocus.  Sometimes, I can’t see the forest for the trees.

I apologize.  For that thing before and for many more to come.