“Joel, I’m not a concept.  Too many guys think I’m a concept
or I complete them or I’m going to make them alive,
but I’m just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own piece of mind.
Don’t assign me yours.”
- Clementine, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Man, if you want a flick that will completely mess with your head and make you question anything you’ve ever known, felt, loved, or hated about your significant other.. or ANY significant other.. check out “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind”.  We Netflixed it and Bryan watched it while I was being a bachelorette.  I finally sat down to it last night.

The premise is, by any counts, an intriguing one.. what if you could completely erase a person from your memory?  They even had a feasible science behind it, with the technicians mapping the parts of the brain triggered by sensory-memory responses, resulting in a partial labotomy.  And then, the moral implications.. what if it wasn’t 100% effective?  Would you constantly walk around, confused by the resonating echoes of memories you didn’t really remember?

For someone who has a really, truly crappy memory, this movie disturbed me.

There are entire chunks of time that I don’t remember.  I, naturally, attribute this to a crazy descent into the “gateway” drugs of radio.  But there are times.. OFTEN.. where something will seem strangely familiar to me and I can’t place why.  I know that sounds crazy.  Clearly my memory has never been tampered with by Tom Wilkenson.  I never dated Jim Carrey.

Although I do color my hair as often as Kate Winslet.  And she and I could’ve been soul mates in this movie.

But I looked across the couch at Bryan last night and thought, “He has always felt so familiar to me; he has always felt like home.  We have always spoken to eachother as if the other one already had heard it.  We have always known how to physically fit into the other.  How does that happen?”

About two weeks ago, Bryan and I hit a very rough place.  We both had discovered a deep, dark secret about the other.  And through a course of events, they both came out.  Oddly enough, it never shook us.  There may have been moments of doubt or concern or frustration, but it never hurt to the point of needing to leave.  And I realized that no pain between us had ever felt like the end; it always felt like a means to an end, just part of the bigger picture.  Like the ending had already been written; this was just a plot point.  And now, there are no more secrets.  We officially know everything about the other.  And I’ve never had that before.  It’s amazingly solidifying.

Ramblings before the caffeine.  That’s all.

More on the Bachelorette party later..