We’re laying on the couch (which means Bryan is sitting up and I’m laying on the couch with my feet in his lap).

Me: So then, I turned around and.. hey, what’re you lookin’ at?

Bryan, raising an eyebrow: I’m trying to see your nu-nu in that skirt.

Me: You can’t see my nu-nu. You’re probably mistaking the folds of thigh fat for labias.

Bryan: Please, I can see it. Your underwear is purple.

Me: What?

Bryan: Purple. It’s purple or gray. I can see it.

Me: I’M NOT WEARING UNDERWEAR.