In a nutshell:

• I’m fatter than I was in the last update.
• I’m still as gassy.
• They promised my energy would SURGE in the second trimester.  They are LIARS.
• My “restless leg syndrome” (air quotes are mocking the name, because Lord forbid it ACTUALLY be limited to just my legs) keeps me up at night and causes me to have to stand during movies.
• There is no cure or treatment for said “leg” syndrome, either.
• They say my appetite should increase now.  It hasn’t.  If anything, I have more stomach issues now than I did in my first trimester.
• Every woman with ovaries feels the need to weigh in on the “c-section or vaginal” discussion.
• I am quite a bit bitchier towards the general public now.

Now, on the happier side of life:

• I am almost halfway through the pregnancy.
• In two weeks, we learn the gender.
• In Home Depot on Saturday night, as I waddled through the blinds (we had just eaten and Lil Peep was fighting with the food), a little girl told her momma, “Look!  She’s gonna have a baby!” and then followed me around with wide eyes.  That was kind of cool.  I imagine it’s how Angelina Jolie feels.. if she ate three people and then looked like me.
• Pregnancy sex.. AWESOME.

There ya go.  What to Expect When You’re Expecting and You’re a Bitch.