“And you know you’re late, even before you look at the clock. You wake up, and think, ‘OhNo, I’m late!’ and then you actually LOOK at the clock and then think, ‘OHNO, I hate it when I’m like Nostradamus and predict my lateness!’” - Dane Cook
My alarm went off this morning. I think.
It did not phase me. I was in the middle of a very nice, very adult dream, and by God, I was going to finish it. I woke up at seven. And unlike Dane’s full set about waking up late to work, I could not just hide my stink in an oversized sweater in late June.. I had to shower.
So it was a bit of a hectic morning.
Since I was already running late, I decided to make a quick stop through Starbucks to grab a venti black iced tea lemonade. I have decided to give myself these twice a week (Mondays and Fridays) as a reward for not spending money elsewhere. There were no cars in line, and I thought it would not take me long to get it and be on my way.
I should state here, for the record, that I went against my own principles in this line of thinking. There is nothing that irks me more than when someone walks into rehearsals late WITH food. You had time to stop and get food, but you couldn’t here early enough to prevent the rest of us from having to wait? But I digress.
So I pull up to the window, and this is how I’m greeted:
GOOD MORNING! Thank you for choosing Starbucks on this wonderful morning!! My name is ******, and just how might you be doing on this gorgeous a.m.?
I am a little taken aback. Because I just want some damn tea. I mumble out that I’m fine, thank you. And then wait, because she gave me no opening to continue my order.
I am so happy to hear that! So.. what can I get started for you this morning? Some coffee? We have a new raspberry mocha that is getting rave reviews!
I seriously start looking for the hidden camera at this point. Who in the hell talks like this? (Other than employees who have been sipping espresso since 5 a.m.) I offer my order, in the correct lingo as to assist the key-punching that inevitably follows. (Venti - Shaken Iced Tea Lemonade - Black tea - sweetened - two punches of orange)
That sounds great! I’ll get that started for you.. now, is your tummy rumbling for something yummy from our pastry cabinet? How about a low-fat muffin for breakfast?
1) What about my order screams that “low-fat” might appeal to me? Should I be offended that she offered it as a first choice option? And 2) AM I FIVE YEARS OLD?! TUMMY RUMBLING?
By now, it has taken exactly SEVEN minutes to get to the window. I throw my money at the poor girl in the window (who, admittedly, was not the peppy little sprite that ate up my ten minute buffer) and grab my tea and leave. Although I got my ultimate wish (I have the tea, after all), I am left with the hollow knowledge..
.. that my tummy is RUMBLING.
Handled it better than I would’ve.. I’ve not been a nice person latly when it comes to people doing crap like that. If it makes you feel better my inbox was full of woman hating b.s. when I opened it this morning. Being told to “let it go” and “just deal with it” did not help me whatsoever.. I thought Monday morning were supposed to be the bad ones.. That tea sounds lovely though. I had one the other day, passion,, was excellent.
This was the Starbucks by BAM, on the Parkway, wasn’t it? The spritely voice who kept you so amused, could it by any chance have been a man-boy’s voice? There’s a little bloinde gay boy who works there, and I KNOW that is who you are talking about, and he DRIVES ME NUTS! I am grumpy by nature, and i hate small talk whether I am late or not. Here is my open letter to him. I do not want to discuss THE ROAD with you, nor do I want to talk about the flowers on the seat next to me, nor do I want to explain to you WHY THE PLANET OF THE APES is one of my favortie movies. Can’t you just be happy that I TOLD you what one of my favorite movies is? And don’t call me honey!
DANG.
Katie - who sent you a bunch of woman hating BS? If you have their return addresses, do what I do.. go sign them up for any WAAAAY liberal online newsletter. They enjoy the attention, I think.
Caroline - I’m not sure.. it very well could’ve been a girly boy. I never saw the perp. All I know is that I was tempted to shove the very long straw that came with my tea into my eyeball.
That is an excellent idea Sarah.
I’m LOL at Caroline… I think we should have a coven meeting at Starbucks. We can take him.
I had a similar experience at that same Starbucks during Christmas vacay after we went to the body jam class that was canceled. I don’t even like talking to people I know at Starbucks, let alone random happy people.