Dear God,

First and foremost, I want to thank You. 

I know I’ve lodged complaints with You almost daily now, upset about my stomach pooching out or my nausea or the consistency of my pooping.  I know I’ve used Your name several times when getting upset with clothes that don’t fit anymore, shoes that suddenly make my feet swell, and allergies that I never had before.  And I’m sure that all of this makes me sound pretty ungrateful.

Today, I wandered over to a message board at BabyCenter.com.  I had no real question to answer, no real conundrum to solve, but I thought, “You know, it might be nice to know what’s happening to other women at this same point in their pregnancy.”

I shouldn’t have gone.  Well, I mean, I’m glad I did.  But man.  Man oh man oh man.  Wow.

I read about women who have been spotting nonstop since conception and have limited their lives to walking to the bathroom. (And they’re only at 10 weeks, like me!) I read about women who are six weeks along and have put on 20 lbs.  I read about women who pull over twice on the way to work to vomit .. again.  I read about women who had miscarried several times before, and were keeping their fingers crossed on this one.

God, I know that I have it made.  Not only have You given me the strength to not drink any alcohol since Book Club (IN MARCH), but You’ve allowed my body to endure an entire run of Pinocchio.  And while it wasn’t Olympic gymnastics happening out there, it was a helluva lot on a pregnant body.

You’ve also blessed me with a husband who is more than I ever knew I wanted.  He is a man who takes care of me without me knowing; a man who makes me laugh all the time, even through tears; a man who knows to bring two spoons when he gets ice cream out of the freezer.

I feel, OFTEN, that I’m not maternal enough to do Your miracle justice.  There is life inside of me that I don’t connect with yet.  I know the right things to do, and I know how to care for that nest and its egg, but there is not a moment of any day where I feel that a baby is inside of me.

You have also sent me calm there, too, by strengthening my relationship with The Boy.  It reminds me that I AM maternal, and it will all be alright.  I need to find my own path, just like everything else.

You provided me with patience to not knock Bryan’s teeth in the other day when he suggested that I “find five or ten minutes a day to reflect positively on the baby”.  He thanks you, too.

All in all, I know that there are far rougher times ahead.  I just want you to know that I’m italian, and sometimes we use stronger language than necessary when we’re bitchin’ about something.  It’s not that we’re ungrateful, it’s just that it’s in our DNA.  I’m sure You understand. 

I’m sure I will be sending far more thanks Your way.

Love,
Sarah